As we inch closer to the end of Chanukah, there is still time to storm the gates of Heavens with your prayers. After you’ve lit the Chanukah licht, it is the perfect, holy time to add in extra prayers for yourself or someone you know who needs a shidduch.
Someone recently shared her frustration with me. “Every year I daven so hard on the 8 nights of Chanukah. When will Hashem answer my tefillos?”
I shared the following story with her because of its very important message about tefilla, especially when it comes to shidduchim.
There is a famous story about Rav Yechiel Heller, author of a sefer called Amudei Ohr. In all of his writings, he signed his name with the word “ha’aluv” written aside his signature. “Ha’aluv” means someone who is ashamed or humiliated, and it was a reference to his mother’s shidduch experience that he wanted to publicize to the world then and for future generations.
Rav Heller’s mother came from a prominent Lithuanian family; she was the daughter of a successful businessman and Torah scholar. She dreamed of marrying a serious talmid chacham, but before she even began dating, that was no longer an option. Unfortunately, she had been helping out in her father’s business one day when he was was away; when a customer began behaving inappropriately toward her, she ignored his advances. Angry at her rejection, that man slandered her name and ruined her reputation.
Unlike today’s world where many women are unwilling to compromise their shidduch demands to take someone “less” than themselves, this girl wanted to marry, even if it meant compromising. Despite davening day after day to marry a talmid chacham, after several years of being turned down by one after the other, she realized that if she wanted to get married, she would have to give up on that dream. The only person agreeable to marry her was a simpleton who worked as an assistant to a wagon driver, whose job was whipping the horses to keep them moving.
At her wedding, she turned towards the Heavens in sorrow that she was not marrying a talmid chacham. She begged Hashem that He who knew the truth about the incident and how she suffered greatly from the false slandering should reward her with children who will be talmidei chachamim.
And indeed, she merited to have four sons who were each Torah scholars. Rav Heller purposely included “ha’aluv” in his signature to remind Torah Jews that Hashem can answer tefillos. However, the important lesson to learn is that we do not understand Hashem’s ways, and we cannot explain why Hashem did not answer her tefillos of marrying a talmid chacham. For whatever reason, the wagon driver’s helper was determined to be her bashert.
And she accepted that, trusting that Hashem has His reasons for what He does. As a reward for her bitachon and hishtadlus to get married, in response to her efforts to be an Ezer Knegdo and to understand that her purpose is to become the wife of the wagon driver not a talmid chacham, Hashem did not only give her one or two sons who were talmidei chachamim, but FOUR: Rav Yisrael Heller, a Rosh Yeshiva in Mir (in Europe) and author of Nachalas Yisrael; Rav Meir Heller, a dayan in Vilna and Av Beis Din in Kostikovitz; Rav Yeshosua Heller, author of several sefarim including Choshen Yehoshua, and an Av Beis Din in Telz in Lithuania; and Rav Yisrael Heller, “ha-aluv”.
When you daven this Chanukah for a shidduch for yourself or someone else, remember that sometimes you may need to change what you are davening for.