There’s a joke that has gone around: When it comes to telling his age, he’s shy…

About 10 years shy!

One of the most common reasons a man or woman over the age of 35 reject a proposed match is due to age. And as they get older, they tend to be even more particular about this issue.

There are shidduch lists/groups that don’t require a profile to include a date of birth but rather just the age. When a shidduch profile includes an age but not a date of birth, assume the age can be off by as much as 10 years.

Let’s be real: who do you think you are kidding when you don’t include a true age. Today, a simple Google search can often offer your age to the public. Worse, it can make you look older than you are. A 37-year-old can show up in a Google search as 35-40. And human nature will have someone assume you are 40, not 35. So you would have been better off with your actual age of 37 on the profile.

And to those who claim to have permission from their Rabbi to lie, I tell them to have their Rabbi find their match, because I won’t help them. And do you really want to date a man whose Rabbi tells him to lie to you? Will you be able to trust him on anything down the road? Relationships are built on a foundation of trust. You have to trust each other, and that will be difficult to do if you start off with lies. And you have to trust Hashem that He knew the accurate age of your Bashert when he chose your match. Remember, Hashem gives you an opportunity to meet your Bashert, but you can reject it. So stop thinking a younger person will come along tomorrow. Focus on what is in front of you today.

Sometimes you need to be open-minded that your match may be older than what you have on your Wish List. But let’s be honest. For men over 40 who want younger women to have large families, Hashem hasn’t promised you a large family. So stop trying to play G-d. Moreover, medical research that shows fertility issues increase among men as they age are not new. While women can freeze their eggs and do other efforts to have children as they age, men do not have similar opportunities. So if you are an “older” male single, if you are demanding someone up to a certain age to “ensure” you will have children, make sure you have a signed note from G-d that you don’t have any fertility issues.

I get that people want to have children, and often large families. But if you have held out all these years and are now either edging close to the age of no conception or already holding there (unless Hashem performs a miracle), it’s time to start thinking about finding the right companion to spend the rest of your life with, and not a baby machine. If you are getting past the age of realistically being able to have a baby and change its diapers, seriously look for a spouse so you can build a loving relationship before you have to change THEIR diapers.

An important article all singles over the age of 30 should read:

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